The Moment
This book was born
from a gaze,
a laughter,
a joy
that never ended —
and made everything lighter.
from a gaze,
a laughter,
a joy
that never ended —
and made everything lighter.
Widukind Pesch
26 March 2002 - 29 September 2022
Foreword
The Moment is the founding book of the Widukind Publishing House.
An initiative of the Widukind Foundation.
An initiative of the Widukind Foundation.
It brings together three interwoven texts.
At its core are the green, numbered chapters, which came first.
Tey are expanded by nut-colored passages, with real events and thematic extensions.
Shortly before completion, something else was unexpectedly added:
In twelve blue passages — Widukind's personality.
In twelve blue passages — Widukind's personality.
This book cannot be summarized. It is less a finished result than a beginning.
Not something with wich to achieve, but something that invites perception.
Opening
The Decision
March 26, 2002 — 4:17 a.m.
Night.
Home birth.
Twins.
Night.
Home birth.
Twins.
Midwife:
"Come now — and — a girl."
"Come now — and — a girl."
Mother:
"Yes, Swantje.
How beautiful that you are here."
"Yes, Swantje.
How beautiful that you are here."
"Now rest for a moment,
and tell me when it begins again."
and tell me when it begins again."
"Yes…
the contractions are coming back."
the contractions are coming back."
"Good, very good —
we need those."
we need those."
4:38 a.m.
Widukind is born.
Widukind is born.
Alert —
and with deep shame in his eyes —
a cleft lip.
and with deep shame in his eyes —
a cleft lip.
"Hello, Widukind.
How wonderful that you are here.
It is not serious.
It will be alright."
How wonderful that you are here.
It is not serious.
It will be alright."
The midwife examines his mouth and throat with her fingers,
checking for further malformations.
checking for further malformations.
Then —
he stops breathing.
he stops breathing.
"Oh no… no, no, no —
little one…
come on.
Come back!"
little one…
come on.
Come back!"
Gentle shaking.
Blowing air.
A look exchanged across the room.
Blowing air.
A look exchanged across the room.
"White case.
Oxygen bottle.
Mask."
Oxygen bottle.
Mask."
Widukind turns blue.
Silence.
Father:
"Widukind —
That is not what matters at all.
What matters is our hearts.
Come."
"Widukind —
That is not what matters at all.
What matters is our hearts.
Come."
Oxygen.
Every measure attempted.
Every measure attempted.
Nothing works.
The umbilical cord no longer supplies him.
The placenta begins to detach.
The placenta begins to detach.
Midwife:
"Forgive me, little one —
I did not mean it that way.
Please — come ... on."
I did not mean it that way.
Please — come ... on."
Mother takes him into her arms:
Softly: "We love you —
just as you are."
just as you are."
Suddenly —
a fierce gasp.
a fierce gasp.
Widukind breathes.
And cries.
Decided.
A new beginning.
________________
Chapter 1
The Beautiful Stone
The Beautiful Stone
A stone in your hand.
Colours.
Lines.
Weight.
Warmth.
Lines.
Weight.
Warmth.
For a moment, it is there.
And so are you.
And so are you.
A thought passes by:
“Ordinary quartz. Not valuable.”
“Ordinary quartz. Not valuable.”
Something shrinks.
The stone is still in your hand.
But it is different.
But it is different.
It falls.
The hands rub themselves clean.
The hands rub themselves clean.
Tactile
After Widukind’s first surgery.
Cleft lip closed.
A sweet scent by his bedside.
A sweet scent by his bedside.
In arms.
Lightness.
Wide eyes.
Lightness.
Wide eyes.
The mouth — highly sensitive.
Still,
he slowly
moves closer
to the cheek of the one holding him.
he slowly
moves closer
to the cheek of the one holding him.
And feels:
Warm?
Warm?
2
Development
Development
Development. Progress.
Words, everywhere.
Thought. Used.
Thought. Used.
Progress means:
leaving a standpoint.
leaving a standpoint.
Today, development often means:
adding on, upgrading.
adding on, upgrading.
But the word says: (from French développer) to un-fold.
To un-wind.
To let layer after layer fall away.
To un-wind.
To let layer after layer fall away.
But what to leave behind?
What to attain?
What to attain?
Are you ready not to understand it?
Mastery
“Master,
I want to climb
the cosmic ladder
forever.”
I want to climb
the cosmic ladder
forever.”
“That is brave.
And if we unfold ourselves –
And if we unfold ourselves –
and then fly?”
3
Old Drill
Old Drill
The Others.
Again, someone understands more.
Can do more.
Is more.
Has more.
Can do more.
Is more.
Has more.
The pull inside —
is it drive?
is it drive?
Or an old,
learned,
self-directed
hardness?
learned,
self-directed
hardness?
Becoming better.
How much value does your today have?
How much space your now?
How much space your now?
Dance
Widukind, four years old,
is playing in the garden.
Laughter.
Blond hair in the wind.
Running.
Blond hair in the wind.
Running.
No stomping.
No stamping.
No stamping.
Gliding.
As if beings were holding him under the arms.
As if beings were holding him under the arms.
Co-pilot
Widukind, five years old.
The first drive to the new children’s activity group.
Wikie the front passenger seat.
Twenty minutes, eyes on the passing landscape.
Three weeks later — again.
Just before that, a quick stop at the hardware store.
The car slows down, the indicator ticks.
“Dad, that’s not the way to the group.”
4
How It Began
How It Began
Right answers.
Good answers.
Good answers.
Wrong answers.
Bad answers.
Bad answers.
A nod here.
A frown there.
A frown there.
At some point,
you began
to look at yourself that way.
you began
to look at yourself that way.
"So, little one, what do you want to be,
when you grow up?"
"Why? I already am."
Yes!
Pinky Bunnyt at the adventure hotel.
Photo session with birthday children.
Photo session with birthday children.
Stepping out of the crowd:
“I want Pinky Bunny
to come to me now at last!”
“I want Pinky Bunny
to come to me now at last!”
A mother hurries after him, unsettled,
trying to put things back in order:
trying to put things back in order:
“No, Tomy.”
The staff member immediately:
“Yes!
You’re looking forward to Rabbit too,
aren’t you, Tomy?
aren’t you, Tomy?
Come, help me take the picture
so everyone is in the frame.
Then he’ll come soon.”
so everyone is in the frame.
Then he’ll come soon.”
The Dictation
A page full of red marks,
arrows, comments.
Unsatisfactory.
arrows, comments.
Unsatisfactory.
In the kitchen:
“Come, Franziska,
it’s not so bad.
Shall we correct it together?”
“Come, Franziska,
it’s not so bad.
Shall we correct it together?”
Franziska pulls away.
Tears.
Tears.
Aunt Ute comes in.
Sees.
Takes the page.
“Franziska!!! —
You have such beautiful handwriting!”
5
Today
Today
Explaining. Ordering. Holding on.
Trying to understand everything.
Trying to understand everything.
Trusting the simple —
the moment that is simply there —
not learned.
the moment that is simply there —
not learned.
Does control truly bring clarity?
Or is it concern
about losing advantage or worth?
about losing advantage or worth?
In any case,
it can keep one occupied.
it can keep one occupied.
Logic
Logic
born of fear –
truth?
Overcoming
“Matthias! Come on, that won’t do!
You still have to overcome that.
Do you even know what ‘overcome’ means?”
You still have to overcome that.
Do you even know what ‘overcome’ means?”
Matthias, seven years old:
“Yes, Dad.
When you unlearn something.”
“Yes, Dad.
When you unlearn something.”
6
Moving On
Moving On
You want to do something?
Improve something?
Change something?
Do it.
Or stay.
For a moment.
Leave everything as it is.
Leave everything as it is.
The hands relax.
Thoughts:
“Come on.”
“Go on.”
“Come on.”
“Go on.”
You do not follow.
This time, you stay.
Simply there.
7
Invasion of Thoughts
Invasion of Thoughts
One thought.
Another one.
Another one.
It gets crowded.
Something speaks —
without being asked.
without being asked.
The voice wants.
Images shape scenes.
Images shape scenes.
Join in?
Or remain seated?
Take a breath.
Option:
No theatre today.
No performance today.
No theatre today.
No performance today.
8
The Blind Spot
The Blind Spot
Experience happens
here and now —
in the midst of it.
here and now —
in the midst of it.
The voice steps back.
Into thinking.
Thinking takes over.
Into thinking.
Thinking takes over.
The original remains
as it is.
as it is.
No catastrophe.
Only a slight distance
between you and the moment.
between you and the moment.
9
Seems Right
Seems Right
The air is mild.
Birds can be heard.
The ground gives slightly underfoot.
Birds can be heard.
The ground gives slightly underfoot.
“You could walk faster.”
“You already know the way.”
“You still had so much ahead of you.”
“You already know the way.”
“You still had so much ahead of you.”
Seems right.
10
Sunset
Sunset
You look at the sky.
Colours. Light. Vastness.
“Beautiful. But not the best.”
A Glance
Red traffic light.
Chrome.
White leather.
Soft music.
White leather.
Soft music.
A glance outside.
Perfect weather.
Reflection in a shop window..
Perfect weather.
Reflection in a shop window..
In front of them
a person
on newspapers.
a person
on newspapers.
Nodding:
“Enjoy it, bro —
next life we’ll switch again.”
next life we’ll switch again.”
And suddenly
everything
everything
slips out of place.
11
But
But
Thoughts — what all has been.
Who was to blame.
Who was to blame.
Thoughts — what should be next.
Living consciously.
Sometimes it feels like
5% life,
95% analysis.
95% analysis.
“But at least I know more.”
This “but” —
a gain?
a gain?
Or a loss with applause?
The Discussion
1 a.m.
Marcus and Christoph finally bring
their scientific debate to an end.
their scientific debate to an end.
No winner.
No loser.
No loser.
Only fatigue slowly overtaking both of them.
They take another sip of tea.
Outside, everything is still.
Outside, everything is still.
Now the world is once again only a breath away.
Morning, 9 a.m., at the breakfast table.
Widukind, calmly:
Widukind, calmly:
“Dad, you could have saved yourself
the entire discussion last night.
Human beings are not made for thinking.”
the entire discussion last night.
Human beings are not made for thinking.”
And leans over his toast.
Nothing more.
12
Recognising Silence
Recognising Silence
What is this voice, actually?
It plays back what has been learned.
It comments.
It commands.
It comments.
It commands.
You follow.
And you yourself?
are —
space.
Silence.
But not empty without it.
And not dumb.
13
Everything Right
Everything Right
Inhale. Exhale.
The thoughts are still there.
The voice too.
The voice too.
Just do nothing for a moment.
So much know how -
but no use now.
What would have been,
if some things had gone the other way?
if some things had gone the other way?
First feel —
then recognise that it may be.
then recognise that it may be.
Closeness instead of distance.
Safety —
because nothing had to be defended.
because nothing had to be defended.
14
Zero-Sum
Zero-Sum
The voice calculates in a zero-sum game:
“If you win, I lose.”
“If you win, I lose.”
It stands above.
Creates ranks
and breaks down —
you.
Creates ranks
and breaks down —
you.
For every one of your qualities, a label.
Your feelings — sorted into files.
Your feelings — sorted into files.
As if it were a neutral tool.
Maybe it is only
one way
of being in the world.
one way
of being in the world.
15
The In-Between
The In-Between
It is exhausting.
Not life.
Not life.
The in-between.
Wraps everything in sketches.
Places lists of analysis in front.
Places lists of analysis in front.
Much knowledge.
How much being?
How much being?
Always on the way in thought.
Getting faster. Using time.
Getting faster. Using time.
But step back.
Into thinking.
Into thinking.
And when being?
"Full Throttle Snail"
Attitude
Strategy. Creativity.
Both on their way
on the ocean of lie.
on the ocean of lie.
One rows. The other surfs.
16
Where To
Where To
Where do you want to arrive?
Where should you already be?
Where should you already be?
You are already here.
And if now falls away,
what you think about yourself —
what you think about yourself —
what remains?
Maybe what you are.
17
It May Be
It May Be
Assuming,
all judgments,
projections,
imaginations
projections,
imaginations
about yourself —
about others —
may be taken back.
And those of others about you —
returned in silence.
returned in silence.
No longer in use. Released in peace.
They flow away.
Nothing sticks.
Nothing sticks.
You are.
The others are.
And this may be.
And this is enough.
Perfect Imperfect
Perfection.
the hat worn by mediocrity.
the hat worn by mediocrity.
____
The perfect tree
For the timber merchant it is tall,
straight, branchless, quick to harvest.
straight, branchless, quick to harvest.
For the fruit grower it bears
many standardised fruits
for discount shelves.
many standardised fruits
for discount shelves.
And somewhere stands another tree.
Crooked. Branched. Singular.
Carrying no edible fruit.
Carrying children.
And the children
store its scent
and the warmth of its corky bark,
and the rustling of its leaves
in their small souls.
and the warmth of its corky bark,
and the rustling of its leaves
in their small souls.
As if it were the heartbeat of the earth.
And hopefully it is still there
when a child, now old,
comes to visit once more —
when a child, now old,
comes to visit once more —
to lean again into its hollow,
compassionate heart —
compassionate heart —
and to feel, once again in this world,
unboundedly sheltered
and completely safe.
unboundedly sheltered
and completely safe.
18
Sometimes
Sometimes
Sometimes it is tight. Dark.
Most probably know it.
Most probably know it.
Sometimes light. Bright.
Many know it.
Many know it.
Is it the mind?
Or is it only about
fear or trust?
Pity
Dad is scolding.
The room empties.
Andreas, 12, stays.
Dad: “It’s true!”
Andreas:
“Pity. It could all be so beautiful.”
“Pity. It could all be so beautiful.”
19
Radicalness
Radicalness
The fear
of making mistakes
sits there.
of making mistakes
sits there.
What if instead:
“How do I avoid what is wrong?
How radically do I reject it?”,
How radically do I reject it?”,
from now on:
“How uncompromising am I
in perceiving what is?”
in perceiving what is?”
Milk stays fresh
not from fear of the sour drop,
not from fear of the sour drop,
but because it does not turn.
Unlearned
Behind an extraordinary work
stands an ordinary person
who did what he liked.
stands an ordinary person
who did what he liked.
Unlearned. Carefree.
Expectation wonders:
Does the extraordinary not arise
from something special?
Does the extraordinary not arise
from something special?
But from the unposed.
Without self-surveillance.
Without self-surveillance.
A circle playfully calls him “master.”
A title without claim.
A title without claim.
He knows what is essential.
And what he does not know,
he feels.
And what he does not know,
he feels.
His knowing does not end at the edge of knowledge —
it turns into perception there.
it turns into perception there.
20
Fries
Fries
“Should we stop thinking altogether?”
See for yourself.
You are standing in a snack van today.
The fryer is hissing.
Warm air.
The sun on the asphalt.
Warm air.
The sun on the asphalt.
“Fries.”
“Sure.”
“Sure.”
You reach. You look. You wait.
“With mayo?”
“Yes. Double.”
“Yes. Double.”
A smile.
“Fries. Currywurst special.”
“Hot?”
“Not today.”
“Hot?”
“Not today.”
The fryer hisses.
You feel it more clearly.
Movements.
Voices.
Rhythm.
Nothing is out of place.
A joke. Laughter.
You laugh too.
You laugh too.
Smell of oil.
Fresh fries.
Spices.
Fresh fries.
Spices.
Hands working.
Eyes meeting.
Eyes meeting.
No after.
No before.
No before.
Only:
wishes being met.
wishes being met.
In the evening you close.
The smell stays.
The day too.
The day too.
A few words appear.
You smile.
You smile.
Nothing more.
And it is enough.
Breakfast
You are sitting at the table.
The tea is warm in your hands.
You smell. You taste.
You smell. You taste.
No plan.
No “soon after.”
No “soon after.”
Only this bite.
This sip.
This sip.
Only this moment.
Walking
You are walking.
Without a goal.
Wind on your face.
Steps on the ground.
Steps on the ground.
Clouds passing by.
Thoughts passing with them.
You keep walking.
You do not need a direction
to arrive.
"While tying shoes."
21
Something
Something
Just sitting.
Light falls through the window.
A sound somewhere.
A sound somewhere.
The breath moves.
In.
Out.
The voice — still there —
but further away.
but further away.
And then something slips.
Quietly.
As if you had been carrying it all along
and only now notice
and only now notice
that you don’t need it anymore.
22
Nothing achieved
Nothing achieved
It goes on.
The pressure loosens.
Comparison too.
Silence.
Not empty —
calm.
calm.
You have achieved nothing.
There is just less in between.
23
When?
When?
You don’t have to become anything.
Even if it asks:
“When, finally?”
“When, finally?”
Now.
24
The Mud Hut
The Mud Hut
“And now? Back to the mud hut?”
Come in.
Not from lack.
Not from escape.
Not from escape.
Just because.
Smell of
earth,
wood,
fur.
earth,
wood,
fur.
Sit down.
No plan.
No goal.
No goal.
Step outside:
Morning air.
Fine sand.
Wind on the skin.
Fine sand.
Wind on the skin.
The rising sun —
already warming.
already warming.
A child’s hand
takes you along
takes you along
to the river,
to the others.
to the others.
And maybe you notice:
This
was always
how it was meant to be.
was always
how it was meant to be.
Mountain Plateau
An open plateau.
Light.
Space.
Space.
No up.
No down.
No down.
Equanimity.
Life flows.
Without demand.
Taking.
Giving.
Without possessing.
25
Presence
Presence
No more waiting.
Because nothing is missing.
In the mud hut.
In the snack van.
Now.
26
Held
Held
Something becomes lighter.
Not because you can do more.
Not because you know more.
Not because you know more.
Just like that.
Something flows.
Or carries it?
Or carries it?
It feels good
to stop working against it.
to stop working against it.
Everything
that pushes
that pushes
can pass.
Arriving is allowed to stay.
Encounter
You meet someone.
No impression.
No comparison.
No comparison.
A look.
A nod.
A nod.
Maybe a smile.
And suddenly there is calm
between two people.
between two people.
Children
They do not explain.
They laugh.
They run.
They fall.
And ? —
And ? —
get up again.
Without asking
whether it was wrong.
whether it was wrong.
27
Some People
Some People
These people who are just there.
They listen. They sense.
Without saying much.
Without saying much.
And when you are with them,
you become calmer.
you become calmer.
Maybe because they place nothing
between you and the moment.
Not So Bad
“Come on now.
It’s not that bad.”
It’s not that bad.”
Distress cannot be measured.
There is no ranking of suffering.
There is no ranking of suffering.
A heart is overwhelmed —
and needs closeness now.
28
A Different Way
A Different Way
Wind.
Sun.
Your breath.
Sun.
Your breath.
The ground beneath your feet.
Thoughts — always knowing what is missing.
A moment — giving what is there.
A moment — giving what is there.
Less holding.
Less ordering.
Less wanting.
Less ordering.
Less wanting.
More being there.
No better method.
No further compartment.
No further compartment.
Just a different way
of being in the world.
of being in the world.
29
Perception
Perception
Without classification —
it feels (also) coherent.
it feels (also) coherent.
Not because you understand it now —
but because nothing is in between.
Trust.
Not as a condition.
Not as a decision.
Not as a decision.
As remembrance.
Something that has always been there.
The Last Book
Mid-September ’22.
Sitting in bed.
Eyes closed.
A book on his lap:
Eyes closed.
A book on his lap:
Life and Teaching of the Masters of the Far East
by Baird T. Spalding.
About twenty pages left.
The next afternoon — the same.
Still ten pages.
Still ten pages.
“Widukind, you’ll finish the book soon.
But if you keep sleeping so much,
But if you keep sleeping so much,
you won’t get it done.”
Words. Loosely spoken —
just because thoughts came.
just because thoughts came.
And there sits someone
who knows pain.
who knows pain.
Without painkillers.
Sensitive,
but not fragile.
but not fragile.
Vulnerable,
but not breakable.
but not breakable.
Someone who made a decision.
Carries responsibility.
Carries responsibility.
Content. Always kind.
With a seriousness
that may only grow
in the soil of twenty years
of playful lightness.
Still, eyes closed:
“Dad, I’m not sleeping.
I read a paragraph,
and then I take it in.
And if I can’t live it with me,
I read it again —
or three times.”
I read a paragraph,
and then I take it in.
And if I can’t live it with me,
I read it again —
or three times.”
30
No New Victory
No New Victory
Don’t make it a goal.
No new project.
No next step.
It is not about performance.
You are not learning anything new.
You are not learning anything new.
You are only stopping
to go away.
Benny
A supervisor in the children’s group:
“Now, everyone please think about
what you experienced today that was nice.”
“Ice cream.”
“The football match we won.”
“The great film.”
“A good grade.”
“The football match we won.”
“The great film.”
“A good grade.”
Last comes Benny —
the simplest of them all,
who cannot be pushed.
the simplest of them all,
who cannot be pushed.
He still has his eyes closed —
takes a deep breath,
looks up:
“Thank you
for my beautiful life!”
31
Acting
Acting
Not reacting for once.
No comments.
To act —
to give calm.
And see
what remains —
or comes.
what remains —
or comes.
Waiting
The hall is still.
The stage empty.
Everything is waiting.
Everything is waiting.
The silence hums
like an invisible choir.
like an invisible choir.
Nothing has happened yet —
and everything is there.
32
Space
Space
Silence is not lack.
Silence is space.
It explains nothing.
It clarifies.
It connects.
Not less.
Whole.
33
Simple
Simple
Can life be divided at all?
Into categories?
Sorted into files.
Into ranks.
Are there compartments?
Or is life simple?
And does it withdraw
when it is taken apart?
when it is taken apart?
It needs no explanation.
You have seen it.
The Peak of Simplicity
You sit.
You walk.
You see.
You walk.
You see.
Nothing is missing.
No goal.
No why.
No why.
No improvement.
Everything is there.
You are there.
Yo were never away.
Idol
First grade, primary school.
“Now children, who is your idol?
You all surely have a role model.”
You all surely have a role model.”
Some children name athletes, actors,
singers, fantasy characters.
singers, fantasy characters.
Viola:
“What is a role model?”
“What is a role model?”
“Well, someone you would like to be.
Or how you would like to be.”
Or how you would like to be.”
“Me.”
“What — you?”
“Yes. I want to be myself.”
The Photo
End of September 2022.
“Come, Widukind, let’s take a photo of you.
— Like this.
Oh!
Look, you could use this as a profile picture.”
— Like this.
Oh!
Look, you could use this as a profile picture.”
“No, Dad,
then my friends would become jealous.”
then my friends would become jealous.”
“Why is that?”
“Because I am simple.”
Widukind Pesch
Last Photograph, End of September 2022
34
Trust
Trust
Again, on a walk.
The voice was always decisive.
Not because it was always right —
but because it was always there.
but because it was always there.
Now one step.
And another.
And another.
The birds are still there.
The scent too.
The scent too.
You have not failed.
You were just busy.
You were just busy.
The eyes speak up:
“Trust us.”
“Trust us.”
Something clicks in:
“Yes, of course, trust your eyes —
they will see a stone or a hole on the path.
That is what they are for.”
“Yes, of course, trust your eyes —
they will see a stone or a hole on the path.
That is what they are for.”
Breathing.
— ‘trust’ — ?
To say yes?
— ‘trust’ — ?
To say yes?
What do the eyes want?
“To greet everything.”
— “Yes. Please.”
— “Yes. Please.”
And they look around.
And they smile.
And they smile.
And the feet laugh too —
keep walking —
massaging the ground —
and themselves.
keep walking —
massaging the ground —
and themselves.
There was a stone. And a hole.
And the eyes
drink space.
drink space.
35
The Beautiful Stone 2
The Beautiful Stone 2
After a few minutes:
The eyes lower.
A stone.
The beautiful stone.
The beautiful stone.
You pick it up once more
and take it into your hand.
and take it into your hand.
One of a kind.
Precious.
Like this moment.
Household
Water over the hands.
A cup.
A plate.
A plate.
Movement.
Rhythm.
Rhythm.
Nothing special.
And therefore complete.
36
The Point
The Point
The sun stands above the forest.
Light falls through your eyes.
It flows in.
It flows in.
Your body fills.
You do not explain it.
You let it be there.
You let it be there.
The voice speaks.
You hear it.
And you stay.
No struggle.
No victory.
No triumph.
No victory.
No triumph.
You walk …
A child runs past.
Joy —
raw,
real.
raw,
real.
“Not optimal …”
Optimality was never the point.
Life was.
Life was.
Sloppy Baby
“Swantje, please be careful, you’re spilling again!
Are you being a sloppy baby again
and need a bib or what?”
Are you being a sloppy baby again
and need a bib or what?”
Swantje, 11 years old:
“Dad,
you don’t feel good yourself
when you speak like that.”
“Dad,
you don’t feel good yourself
when you speak like that.”
37
Smile
Smile
A smile appears.
Light.
Then deeper.
Then deeper.
A seeing:
The great knowing —
had made you small.
The great knowing —
had made you small.
And you cry,
because it was there —
the simple.
because it was there —
the simple.
And maybe you stop
blaming yourself.
blaming yourself.
And laugh again.
38
Groceries
Groceries
Some say:
“Not what we eat, but how we eat.”
“Not what we eat, but how we eat.”
Bought.
Shopping cart full.
Shopping cart full.
Putting away.
Fast. On.
Fast. On.
Taking out.
On. On.
On. On.
Later — eating
what held things up.
what held things up.
“Don’t forget the supplements!”
39
Film Rewound
Film Rewound
Shopping cart full.
Attention.
Slower.
Slower.
Every movement conscious.
Twelve seconds more.
The difference — noticeable.
The difference — noticeable.
Unpacking.
Putting down.
Putting down.
Taking.
Tasting. Slowly.
The moment unfolds.
Less is enough.
And lasts longer.
And lasts longer.
20 x eleven seconds -
less than four minutes -
carry a whole day.
Vocation
Work happens.
Hand movement by hand movement.
Not for later — but now.
And there is something like joy —
without reason.
Because
Adam, 12, comes home.
Some school.
Some household.
Turtle taken care of.
Some household.
Turtle taken care of.
Then gone until evening.
BMX trick videos.
BMX trick videos.
Weekend: fishing license course.
Birthday card from a friend:
“Dear Adam, you are my best friend.
And also the coolest,
And also the coolest,
because you have a life.”
Satisfying
Widukind was not driven by ambition.
There was no grip of must in him.
No measure of performance
as currency for recognition.
No measure of performance
as currency for recognition.
But he cooked.
Very gladly. For everyone.
Very gladly. For everyone.
And the effort?
Self-evident.
Self-evident.
Like breathing air.
No praise needed.
No reward.
No reward.
Just doing.
Joy in hosting.
His part-time job:
waiting tables in a Mediterranean restaurant.
waiting tables in a Mediterranean restaurant.
40
Clarity
Clarity
What is in tune remains.
What is not in tune
loses weight.
loses weight.
Not through struggle —
but through seeing.
but through seeing.
An order arises
that carries —
quietly,
without binding.
that carries —
quietly,
without binding.
Freedom.
Safety.
Safety.
Evening
Lying at ease.
The day passes.
Nothing is held.
Nothing is held.
What was not real
fades away.
fades away.
What remains
is still.
is still.
And enough.
41
Relief
Relief
Simple - banal?
It is relieving - brilliant.
Calm, gratitude
and joy —
and joy —
the natural echo
from the centre.
from the centre.
New.
Still new.
42
The Day
The Day
Stars.
The day still wants to be there.
"Maybe less done!?"
"Yes - I am, thanks."
In any case, experienced more.
And that remains.
And that remains.
Many gifts —
without effort.
without effort.
They were never far away.
Only covered.
Only covered.
And now —
here again.
here again.
Would You
“Swantje, if you could,
would you choose this family again?”
would you choose this family again?”
“Why?
Without me
it wouldn’t even be the family.”
Without me
it wouldn’t even be the family.”
43
Rest
Rest
Maybe you’ll actually go for a walk now.
Like Benny.
A stone in your pocket.
Warm. Smooth from handling.
Walking without a goal.
Without shortcuts.
Without shortcuts.
You are.
You stay.
Rest.
And maybe
that is why it takes
that is why it takes
a little longer —
your life.
44
Echoes
Echoes
Echoes on the bench by the river:
Pretence.
Truthfulness.
Something in between.
Immediate.
Dis-placed.
At home in itself.
Imagination.
Perception.
Thinking about it.
Feeling into it now.
Much know how.
Not important now.
Categories.
Simple.
Truthfulness.
Something in between.
Immediate.
Dis-placed.
At home in itself.
Imagination.
Perception.
Thinking about it.
Feeling into it now.
Much know how.
Not important now.
Categories.
Simple.
How?
Like this.
Like this.
Breathing.
Last Encounter
Widukind’s second eldest brother, Andreas, physiotherapist,
reads Widukind’s condition —
disappointed.
reads Widukind’s condition —
disappointed.
He embraces Widukind.
To comfort him.
But in Widukind’s arms, he himself collapses.
To comfort him.
But in Widukind’s arms, he himself collapses.
And Widukind?
Smiles.
And gives —
himself.
Completely.
And gives —
himself.
Completely.
No words.
Only closeness.
Farewell
29 September 2022.
Widukind looks pale.
“We’re calling an ambulance now.”
“We’re calling an ambulance now.”
“No, I don’t want to leave here.”
“Widukind.”
Shared tears.
Later in the hospital:
“If you are leaving your body now —
it’s okay.
Come back.
We are waiting.”
“If you are leaving your body now —
it’s okay.
Come back.
We are waiting.”
Doctors arrive, wheel him towards the lift.
Through the waiting room of the emergency ward echoes:
Through the waiting room of the emergency ward echoes:
“Dad, I love you.”
Obituary
Widukind’s sister Viola wrote in farewell:
Dear Widukind,
I have never loved anyone as much as I love you.
I have never loved anyone as much as I love you.
You even did a favour
to those who bullied you the most.
to those who bullied you the most.
Winner!
See you very soon,
Viola
Viola
Bike Ride
Memory of summer 2022.
Through the fields together.
Widukind on the bicycle.
Widukind on the bicycle.
Despite emaciation, naturally athletic.
But has to be pushed for days now.
But has to be pushed for days now.
The hand pushing him
receives from his back
the same soft,
spherical presence
that the small “wind”
— like a feathered being —
already carried.
receives from his back
the same soft,
spherical presence
that the small “wind”
— like a feathered being —
already carried.
The sun falls diagonally across the fields.
And again there is this
familiar lightness.
familiar lightness.
He was always like this.
He is always like this.
Relaxation?
Serenity?
Or simply
peace.
Afterglow
Dawn.
A leaf moves.
A bird begins.
A bird begins.
Light flows into the room.
Nothing happens —
and yet everything is there.
and yet everything is there.
A child throws stones into water.
Small circles move into the world.
And no one asks why.
Small circles move into the world.
And no one asks why.
Apples roll across the marketplace.
Boys slip away.
The old merchant smiles:
“I love it.”
Boys slip away.
The old merchant smiles:
“I love it.”
A stranger.
A glance.
Connection.
A glance.
Connection.
Water runs.
Shapes the stone.
Quiet.
Shapes the stone.
Quiet.
What matters is silent.
And you
are the space
in which it happens.
are the space
in which it happens.
You are youth — beauty.
Age — a blessing gaze.
Blossoms — carried in turn.
Age — a blessing gaze.
Blossoms — carried in turn.
No justification.
Rightness is already formed.
Rightness is already formed.
Shine quietly.
What matters
becomes visible.
becomes visible.
Presence
Early October 2022.
A long car journey.
From now on —
without him.
From now on —
without him.
Suddenly — presence.
On the passenger seat.
The same mood.
The same attitude.
The same mood.
The same attitude.
The open observing of the road.
Of the moment.
Of the world.
Of the moment.
Of the world.
A moment
with an unearthly scent.
with an unearthly scent.
“Widukind, is it possible
that you now see the world
completely differently?”
that you now see the world
completely differently?”
“What you have once sensed
should not be questioned anymore.”
should not be questioned anymore.”
—
“How do you look now?”
“Better.”
45
Epilogue
Epilogue
Life Signs
Dear family and friends back home in the safety of the familiar,
thank you for the warnings about risks beyond foreign borders.
thank you for the warnings about risks beyond foreign borders.
They accompanied me for a long time. Now they lie behind me.
Some things came true, many did not — others did instead.
Both could be met.
What I encountered carries no name.
No exceptional state —
just everyday life under different conditions.
No exceptional state —
just everyday life under different conditions.
The rough wind here knows tenderness.
The sun stays longer on the skin and remembers.
The wilderness of nature orders something within.
Discomfort is here, yes. And lack —
but it is concrete, and weighs differently
than abundance that no longer asks for attention.
than abundance that no longer asks for attention.
Spontaneity replaces planning.
There are springs. Not many. But they are pure.
Some things grow slowly, but strongly.
Some things grow slowly, but strongly.
Without security, perception changes. Mistakes matter.
Decisions are made earlier, more clearly.
Decisions are made earlier, more clearly.
A space opens that makes no promises.
The mind becomes wider, the body finds measure —
carrying the soul without resistance.
Resilience increases — and the joy of the inconspicuous,
and of fortunate circumstances.
Resilience increases — and the joy of the inconspicuous,
and of fortunate circumstances.
The journey brings forth what has long rested.
The question arises on its own: what shapes a life more —
demanding experiences with open outcome,
or quiet ageing within familiar structures?
demanding experiences with open outcome,
or quiet ageing within familiar structures?
And the wild ones — we lived together for a while.
Tell the children: wild is one who does not know he belongs.
If you should follow — we will meet differently.
Perhaps in wonder.
Perhaps in silence.
Without roles and explanations.
Perhaps in wonder.
Perhaps in silence.
Without roles and explanations.
Go awake. That is enough.
With open eyes.
With open eyes.
Courage is not loud, but the quiet decision
to exchange fear for freedom.
to exchange fear for freedom.
To face the dark without surrendering to it.
Whatever you sense as the faintest truth — follow it.
If our paths cross here, we walk on.
Side by side.
For a while.
Side by side.
For a while.
Dominique
The Question
“Widukind, will you come with me
to Hungary?
To build a concert hall.
And to found a foundation
for uplifting creativity.
All that’s missing now
is a name.”
to Hungary?
To build a concert hall.
And to found a foundation
for uplifting creativity.
All that’s missing now
is a name.”
His eyes searched the room
for refuge.
for refuge.
Give everything up?
And leave it behind
for an idea?
for an idea?
Time passed.
Giving up — a task.
Later —
a different gaze.
a different gaze.
From one
who consciously faced
his task.
who consciously faced
his task.
Not only as a son,
but as someone
who takes the lead,
to guide —
those who are ready within.
but as someone
who takes the lead,
to guide —
those who are ready within.
Where to?
To where we all come from:
To what is essential.
He passed away at the age of 20.
After a period of reorientation,
on 26 March 2024, on his 22nd birthday,
the founding charter was signed.
on 26 March 2024, on his 22nd birthday,
the founding charter was signed.
Only one name came into question:
“Widukind Foundation”
Afterword
While writing, there was often the impression
that this was only about presence.
About stillness. Or about silence in the sense of:
arriving somewhere –
letting something go.
About stillness. Or about silence in the sense of:
arriving somewhere –
letting something go.
But now something else appears.
Not withdrawal.
Not finishing.
Not an ending.
Not finishing.
Not an ending.
Rather a gentle beginning.
As if beneath all the chasing,
pushing,
achieving,
controlling,
justifying,
escaping,
something begins to emerge again.
pushing,
achieving,
controlling,
justifying,
escaping,
something begins to emerge again.
Not:
“Finally done.”
“Finally done.”
But:
“It may begin.”
“It may begin.”
Perhaps this is what brought
a quiet and surprising change while writing:
a quiet and surprising change while writing:
That life does not wait
to be completed.
to be completed.
That something extraordinary
does not first have to happen
for reality and meaning to begin.
does not first have to happen
for reality and meaning to begin.
But that beginning happens everywhere –
all the time.
all the time.
The joy of beginning
and the burden of finally having to be finished –
two ways
of being in the world.
and the burden of finally having to be finished –
two ways
of being in the world.
Everywhere, something begins.
In a heartbeat –
a breath –
a step.
a breath –
a step.
In giving.
In falling in love.
In falling in love.
In sharing a meal.
In the morning light.
In getting up again.
In getting up again.
In becoming grandparents.
In simply being there.
In simply being there.
And one day also
in letting go of everything.
in letting go of everything.
Perhaps this is why presence
and quiet attentiveness are never empty –
but full of beginning.
and quiet attentiveness are never empty –
but full of beginning.
And perhaps from this arises
that gentle joy
which no longer needs
to prove anything final.
that gentle joy
which no longer needs
to prove anything final.
A joy one never truly gets used to.
As if life carries within it
a promise
that never quite lets go of you.
a promise
that never quite lets go of you.
And yet,
something in it brings peace:
something in it brings peace:
The beginning goes on.
Contents
Foreword
Opening - The Decision
1 The Beautiful Stone
1 The Beautiful Stone
2 Development
3 Old Drill
4 How it Began
5 Today
6 Moving On
7 Invasion of Thoughts
8 The Blind Spot
9 Seems Right
10 Sunset
8 The Blind Spot
9 Seems Right
10 Sunset
11 But
12 Recognising Silence
13 Everything Right
14 Zero-Sum
13 Everything Right
14 Zero-Sum
15 The In-Between
16 Where To
17 It May Be
16 Where To
17 It May Be
18 Sometimes
19 Radicalness
20 Fries
21 Something
22 Nothing Achieved
23 When?
24 The Mud Hut
22 Nothing Achieved
23 When?
24 The Mud Hut
25 Presence
26 Held
26 Held
27 Some People
28 A Different Way
29 Perception
29 Perception
30 No New Victory
31 Acting
32 Space
33 Simple
33 Simple
34 Trust
35 The Beautiful Stone 2
35 The Beautiful Stone 2
36 The Point
37 Smile
38 Groceries
39 Film Rewound
38 Groceries
39 Film Rewound
40 Clarity
41 Relief
42 The Day
42 The Day
43 Rest
44 Echoes
44 Echoes
45 Epilogue – Life Signs
Afterword